My OSO Kimberly

Last night Kimberly kimberlyonline , my finace's girlfriend for those who aren't clear as to the relationship, posted that she really might not make it, that unless the cancer goes away that what sent her to the ICU in the first place may send her there again and that they may not be able to patch her up next time. It's not like this is the first time I thought it might be possible, I mean she has cancer and it's metastasized, but this is the first time I thought it might be a reality. I love her. She has become such a great friend and champion for me. I've been lucky in my life that no one that I've been close to has died ( other than my great grandmother when I was very young but was a great grandmother it's to be expected and just a couple of weeks ago my Grandma Bartlett but her mind had gone a long time ago and her body was just wasting away with her soul trapped inside so I was more relieved), and now faced with seemingly real possibility I feel devasted, numb and so confused. I mean I love her damn it! That should carry weight with it. As irrational as it is for some reason I feel that just because I love her more than I ever dreamed possible that somehow my sheer force of love will heal her completely. I guess I've thought that from the beginning really, I guess that's why I've done everything I can to love her more and give her more. I mean she is such an amazing, beautiful, strong, loving, supportive, and caring person. I know that if she should die that she will NOT have failed and that she will NOT cease to exist. Her and I are Kemetic so we follow the Ancient Egyptian Gods and I know that she is the daughter of Nut and that when she dies (be it soon or in 50 years) she will join her mother in the heavens. I'll mis her if she goes though. I miss the cuddle parties when her, Dennis saamun , and I would sleep together. Her on one side of Dennis, me on the other, with Dennis laying happily in between. Her and I have never been romantically involved but the love I hold for is more than just friendship. I mean she's my OSO (a term, for my non-poly friends, that refers to your partner's partner), my saamun loves her very much and she brings him such joy that of course I love her. I can't help but love her like she was my own SO. I've watched Dennis get all gooey and lovey about her, I've watched the two of them share a deep magic of silence, content to just be in the other's arms and then there are time where all three of us have shared that silence. I love so much. We have laughed and cried together. My younger brother (16) and her oldest son (18) have become good friends. My brother (the best brother ever) Michael asks after David and her. I've watched those two boys both relatively quiet just talk and talk about videa games. If Kimberly hadn't come into my life than Michael would never have met David. All I can think about right now is ways to make the most of this time because if she makes it or not they'll be the memories.

I've thought about planning a trip to the Luxor with her, especially since saamun has never been there, about taking another overnight trip up to Sedona, getting together all her friends, immediate family, and loved ones together at a picture studio and taking a whole bunch of pictures, I've even want to find away to get plane tickets and hotel fare to London because that's where she lived when she was younger, or even finding out where she's never been before that she's always wanted to go to and finding a way to take her there. With a hernaited disk that has kept me out of work it's not like I'm rolling dough but I'll do something for her, I have to, I love her and if I don't actively work to make her life more enriched than I feel helpless, pluse times like these are hard and whether she is going to die or not I want to move mountains to help make this time of struggle as beautiful for her as possible.

I wanted to share this here because I would love any support or thoughts anyone has. I've never been here before and I never understood before that being poly could involve hurting so much over the health and well being of your OSO. I didn't know you could love someone this much without ever becoming romatically involved.